A Few of my Least Favourite Things....

Sometimes, you just need to have a moan don't you? And I feel like when you have moaned to your other half or one of your mates quite a bit you start to feel that maybe they are seeing you as a negative person. But, there is a difference between a negative person and a positive person driven to saying negative things. So in order to make me not feel like the former, I have compiled a list of stuff and things that really irritate me. Some have for ages, some are fresh, but all are warranted.

"I'm going the shop"

Now let me start this off by saying, I bloody LOVE going to the shop! I love them all! A corner shop, a newsagents (and no they aren't the same thing) or a shop on holiday, that last one literally has me euphoric. Truth be told though, I'm not a massive fan of a supermarket, unless it's a casual trip for something nice (and a candle and some pyjamas.) My husband does the weekly shop for our house, and no I'm not "lucky" that he does that. We are equals, it's not a role that should be standard for a woman and praised when a man does it. He prides himself on his fabulous routine where he is in and out in 20 minutes (that's what she said) and because of my aforementioned love of a shop, I have to look at all the things so I am simply not the one for that job. So, onto the issue. As I am frequently "going to the shop" I do the nice and polite thing of asking people that I am with if they want anything, and I hate it, like want to scream hate it, when people say "Oh yea, just get me whatever" WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I am a tad impulsive, not to the point I jump out of planes on random Tuesdays, but I will randomly fancy an ice cream and I will then say "I am going the shop for an ice cream, do you want anything?" and then someone will say "Oh yea that's a good idea, get me one" Fair enough, it's a good idea, I'm proud to have came up with it. So even knowing what's coming next, but following the script anyway I will say "What would you like" and there is it, the words I despise "Just get me whatever" BE SPECIFIC!!!! There is nobody on this earth who would be equally as happy with any ice cream, there are so many varieties, so many choices! Chocolate? Fruit? One in a cone? ONE ON A STICK! I just can't deal with it! Same with sandwiches, I’ll go get a meal deal and it will be all “Oh yea will you just grab me one too” How!? How am I seemingly responsible for your entire lunch?

And it's not about the money, I will buy anyone anything, I say from my overdraft, but I draw the line at getting someone "Whatever."

Just go yourself, I'd rather not be your friend to be honest.

Measuring Things

Why is it that whenever you give someone a measurement they always seem to want it in another format? "It's 27cm" then here comes "Well what's that in inches?" I DON'T KNOW!! Same with distance as well. So I did the London Marathon last year, you probably don't know as I never mention it, and for me (and I thought everyone) it's looked at as being 26.2 miles. But no, everyone starts going on about kilometres! Splitting in into 10k intervals and the like. Miles just sounds better in my opinion, meatier almost. I am rather hopeless when it comes to getting places and planning journeys, so when I ask someone how far away a place is and they respond with "It's 10 miles" as happy as I am with the use of the miles, I am no closer to knowing how far away it is. What I should really ask is how long will it take to get there as that's honestly what I mean. When my son was younger and we were going on holiday, if he asked how far away it was I would break it into Horrid Henry episodes. Eight Horrid Henry's to Spain for example. I should mention he didn't have an iPad or anything with which to watch said programmes, he would just have to imagine I suppose. And it's only now looking back on it I realise that, so sorry Ade.

Impatience

Of course, there are times in life when we are in a hurry and we wish that the person/car in front of us would move faster, but if you are simply one of those people who cannot just wait your turn, then you need to go far away. The same goes for if you are running late. Your inability to plan your time efficiently does not equate to my emergency, so stand still and stop moaning. I also hate it when people try to get you to join in with their annoyance at waiting in a queue. You know like when they turn round and sigh and shrug and roll their eyes at you whilst nodding in the direction of the person behind the till. This just makes me want to get all Kris Jenner and shout "You're doing amazing sweetie!" at the cashier. I am fairly certain that if there was a genuine need for someone to queue jump then those in front would step aside, but I also can't think of a reason that in one of life's most precious and urgent moments waiting in the queue at a shop would need to be incorporated. If I am on my death bed and a relative runs in to say their final goodbye whilst announcing they managed to get their lucky dip for the euro millions on the way, I'd be changing my will before I leave.

I just don't like it

I am, by my own admission, really fussy when it comes to food. I hate salt, gherkins, anything spicy, most salad and don't even get me started on bananas. So when this comes up in conversation or I politely say no when offered something including any of the above, it winds me up so much when people feel the need to question it! "Why don't you like cucumbers?" "How can you not have salt on your chips?" BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT!! There are so, so very many mysteries that as a society we haven't found the answers to, like why don't dogs live as long as humans and where the bloody hell is Madeline McCann? Why I don't like green peppers (but I do like red) shouldn't be a big concern to anybody. I'm not bothered at all.

Streaming services within streaming services

As a household, we probably have every streaming service you'd expect. Prime, Netflix, Disney, Apple and Paramount Plus and then there is Spotify, Duolingo and the New York Times games subscription. Basically, if it doesn't require a credit check, sign me up. So I get dreadfully infuriated when I decide upon a film and it's behind a pay wall for something you've never heard of that comes with a 7 day free trial and only £7.99 a month after that. Why would I want another streaming service when I am currently on one. Like trying to sell a hat to someone already wearing a hat (on that, I also hate the fact I can't wear a baseball cap without looking like a literal fool, but that's a separate issue). Obviously my annoyance really comes from the fact that because I will have fixated over this film for all of 10 minutes whilst navigating the various apps looking for it, when faced with the "sign up" option I will of course sign up, then consequently forget to cancel within 7 days and end up with a lifetime commitment to Starz. But if you would like to watch the little known 2010 drama/romance The Yellow Handkerchief starring William Hurt, Maria Bello, Kristen Stewart let me know, I'll send you my password.

Worrying over everything

I have always been very transparent that I live with certain mental health challenges, I have been on a sertraline subscription since 2019 due to anxiety and OCD and seeing a wonderful therapist for the past 12 months who has helped me massively. But, my brain is just wired in the way that I struggle with hyper responsibility and constantly worry over everyone and everything. And it's not a mild kind of paranoia that I have accidently upset someone, it's the inane fear that a catastrophic event is going to occur in my life or that all the people I love are going to die if I don't adhere to the particular compulsions my OCD demands. Seen a magpie, if I don't touch something green three times whilst repeating "green never seen" that's it, something very bad is going to happen. Now what could that very bad thing be I hear you ask from over there, not giving a shit about which variety of bird may have innocently flown by you. Well it could be anything, it could be that a credit card I forgot I took out in 2008 has been passed onto debt collectors who are currently at my doorstep telling all my neighbours what an absolute disgrace I am. It could be that my straighteners are on (they aren't by the way and neither are yours) and my house is currently on fire. Or it could be a good old fashioned death of someone I care about, usually my "child" who turns 20 this year. It's so exhausting, I'd love it if just once my brain could jump to a lovely conclusion if someone doesn't reply to a message, but no they are dead, all because I let that magpie go by.

After writing that out, I do feel quite a bit better actually. I would advise everyone to do this if they have the time.

And if not, use this as your reminder to cancel that Showtime subscription. You don't need it.