Credit Cards, CCJs And Coming Back From It. (Financially Irresponsible Since 2003 – Part 3)

So, we last left me in an incredibly unhealthy relationship with various payday loan companies. It was at a point that I wasn't even seeing any of the money anymore. I would literally owe one £300 (on what had originally been a loan of around £240), so I would borrow £300 from another company to pay the first one.

And round and round we would go.

These were the days before online banking, so if you wanted to know anything about what was in your bank you either went to the cash point, or called them. I would call the bank and ask my balance, ask if I had anything due out and then sit there with a pen and paper and figure out how much that left me. This particular activity became an obsession, so when online banking became a thing and they added the feature of "upcoming payments" I was ever so happy.

So anyway, here I am, passing money between payday loan people in a never ending cycle of despair and one day called the bank (it's still Halifax at this point, and am proud to say it still is to this day) to see what was due to leave my account before the end of the week and this lovely lady on the phone told me what I needed to know then said the words "I can see you have a few payments in and out for payday loans" Part of me wanted to shout "liar!" and put the phone down, but I actually found myself saying yes and getting quite upset. We had a big chat and I felt so grateful for this complete stranger who could see all my chaotic goings on and spoke to me with no judgement at all. While my friends knew I'd get the odd payday loan out, none of them knew I was in this spiral of shame, drowning in APR and at this stage addiction to keeping my head above water. However, I hadn't seen the surface for years. Tale as old as time.

I told the nice lady on the phone that I wouldn't do it again.

And for the first time.....

I actually meant it.

I would take the hit on my next actual payday (my wages, not one funded by puppets) and pay off the loan I owed and leave it there. And you know what? I did. My relationship with payday loans was over. And all it took was a lady I'd never met to tell me something I already knew.

Of course though, it didn't all just stop there. There was one avenue I hadn't explored yet.

Credit cards.

A letter came through the door and suggested I applied for a credit card, it was nothing personal, clearly a marketing scheme but I obviously completely relapsed and applied. I was accepted and selected a lovely card with a pig on the front. The limit was only £100 but true to form, I spent it. And the most tragic part was I decided to just go to the cash point and withdraw the whole thing which is the worst idea anyone could have. I don't really understand but apparently you get charged more interest or something on cash withdrawals. However, that wouldn't overly matter if you're one of those people who actually pay things back.

So of course, Capital One start writing to me, asking for their £100 plus interest back. And of course, I ignored them. I'd dealt (ignored) with bigger issues (amounts) than this, so it really didn't bother me. But what I didn't realise is that these people, they don't just write to you a few times and then offer you more money to clear this debt (but actually just give you more debt) they get their friends involved.

Enter the debt collectors.

I received a letter to say that a company had bought my debt from Capital One and I now owed them. I thought this was awfully irresponsible of them to be honest, why would you buy a debt from someone? If I wasn't paying the original people, I very likely wouldn't pay you would I?

But little did I know, this would be the debt that changed everything.

£100 on a card covered in pigs.

It was like that moment in Wolf of Wall Street where he eventually gets taken down due to a unfortunate series of events, linked to Benihana of all things. After all the shit he pulled, it was Benihana that lost him it all.

Exactly

So, yes. After years of dodging calls, racking up debt after debt, loan after loan but managing to keep it all together, a £100 credit card, adorned with farm animals landed me with a CCJ.

I'd never really had to care about my credit file, I hadn't ever had trouble being lent money (clearly, because that's why we have this series) but as I got older I realised if I ever wanted to do something really grown up, like buy a house or get a car on finance (get into approved debt basically) I would need a good credit score to show off to these people.

A CCJ isn't good.

It's very ugly.

It stands for County Court Judgement (which sounds like something from a Western) and stains your credit report for six years! So, for the next six years, I had no chance of getting grown up things, ironically the only thing I could get is a payday loan.

But don't worry, I didn't. I honestly didn't.

Truth be told, the CCJ humbled me. When I was running around the internet playing tig and tag with QuickQuid and Satsuma nobody knew about the absolute chaos I was causing myself. But now these three letters were there for anyone to see that I wanted to trust me. Talk of mortgages began but I couldn't join in, it was a sorry state of affairs.

It was like the combination of a frank conversation via the phone with a stranger, and those three initials dragging my credit score to the lowest depth made me realise that none of this was a game. I mean yea it was fun at the time like a good game should be, but now I was growing up and my financial reliability was going down. Like a cruel, old fashioned funicular.

Our first pic when we officially became just us three, and I knew I had to officially get my shit together

So, I then went the other way, I would write down everything I spent and when online banking became a thing I would check it psychotically. One day my son asked me if we were "ok" because it was the third time that day I had written down our outgoings as well as look at them on a screen. The fact it was making him concerned made me feel awful. I then decided to just stop.

I would just be.

I would spend what I had when I wanted to, make sure there was enough to cover the essentials and not panic over it, there didn't need to be this concern and this mystery.

I knew what I earnt, I knew what bills went out when and I even set up a "Save The Change" account that rounded up what I spent on my card and popped it in a savings account.

I obviously transferred it back every month because I needed it.

And still do now, I'm not a completely changed woman.

I'm not going to lie and say I don't use Klarna and relax into my overdraft every month. But I absolutely know I would never let myself get into that mess again. A lot of that is because of my husband. I got myself to a place where I wasn't frightened of money anymore, but because of him I've been able to stay there. If I ever run low to zero, I know I can rely on him to keep me in iced coffees.

When we first got together, and talked about money one evening he asked if I saved and for some reason I said (with my full chest) "Yea, I put away about £150 a month" Two months after making this statement I admitted this was not true and he got it completely. I was a single parent, who always made sure her kid had everything he needed, of course I had no money to spare! But we were so happy, I didn't care and neither did he. It should also be noted he is a spectacular saver and even though his bank balance has taken a noticeable hit since we got together, he still has the stability and sense to ensure if that rainy day comes, we have many umbrellas.

Our first photo together, probably taken not long after I told him I had nothing to offer financially, but I was quite funny so he would have a laugh if nothing else

I still don't have my name on a mortgage, a car on finance or American Express writing to me to say I qualify for a shit load of credit. But that's by choice. We quite happily rent, we share a car as we work together and I don't carry a purse due to Apple Pay so a pretty plastic card doesn't lure me in anymore.

Looking back now, it wasn't really me that was broken.

The system was.

Payday loan companies finally started to collapse around 2018, and with it came some lovely compensation for many of us. I looked back through my old emails when writing these pieces and I just want to hug that young girl so badly. But amongst my emails rearranging repayment dates and sending doctored payslips, was also so many adverts, these companies were truly disgusting.

Some people were affected so badly that these companies didn't just ruin their finances.

They took their lives too.

A hard but important watch is the story of Jerome Rogers who took his own life in 2016, told in the BBC show "Killed By My Debt" and I know that when my son watched it, it stayed with him and he promised immediately to talk to us if he ever found himself in a similar situation.

Jerome's family who bravely shared his story and stood up for him and his memory

People in debt are three times more likely to consider suicide than those not in financial difficulty.

I can't sit here now and tell you I'm completely over worrying about money.

I don't think I ever will be.

But if you're reading this and recognise yourself anywhere in these last three blogs, please tell someone.

Because, getting into debt is easy.

Getting out of it is hard.

But being free of it?

Babes, that's priceless.

If these blogs have resonated with you and you're struggling with debt, please know you're not alone. Organisations such as StepChange and National Debtline offer free, confidential advice without judgement.